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What if the child talks back and loses his temper?
Listen to He Laoshi!
Children’s behavior problems may not be serious, but if they are not handled properly, they will have a great impact on children’s physical and mental health and learning and growth.
Children always talk back and lose their temper easily. What should parents do?
In fact, when children talk back, most of them have emotions in their hearts, and even many emotions are intertwined, such as dissatisfaction, anger, injustice, irritability and so on. When talking back can’t solve the problem, or lead to greater pressure and blow, losing your temper is a manifestation of your child’s helplessness and inability to cope. Why do children have such emotions? In fact, nine times out of ten, parents provoked it.
Parents are mostly unconscious.
I didn’t realize it myself
Let’s look in the mirror first.
The first mirror: no letter mirror
Many children will vomit: "I promised to accompany me, but I always left me alone because of this and that." "I clearly agreed to let me go out to play, and I changed my mind just because I was not obedient and made him unhappy." "I originally agreed to buy me a gift, because I didn’t do well in the exam, it was ruined."
Mom and dad will also be very wronged: "We are not all for your own good, but also have to work and take care of the family. No matter how busy we are, we all want to squeeze some time for you. I really can’t help it."
"I promised you to go out to play and buy gifts not only to make you happy, but also to encourage you to work hard and make progress. I hope you can become a talent. You can’t do it. I can only warn you by not letting you go out to play and not buying gifts. I hope you can take a warning and encourage you to do better next time."
In fact, for children, what can motivate them to work hard is not gifts or play, but how important he is in your heart. What matters is your work friend, whether he listens or not, his grades or him. These are all things. We ignore people’s feelings for things. Children feel bad, and they can’t do things well.
What children need is the feeling of being valued. If they promise not to do so, they will arouse their emotions.
The second mirror: double standard mirror
Parents’ two sets of standards are spit out by children:
1. Parents watch mobile phones for work or relaxation, while children watch mobile phones for fun;
2. It is hard for parents to sleep at 12 o’clock, and children will not arrange time to sleep at 12 o’clock;
3. Parents are good for their children when they lose their temper, and children are not sensible when they lose their temper;
4. Take the advantages of other people’s children to benchmark the shortcomings of their own children;
5. When my brother loses his temper, my mother will coax him, and when I lose my temper, my mother will get angry.
The third mirror: haha mirror
Unrealistic expressions, such as: parents don’t understand the situation and children are misunderstood; Parents will criticize in a general and generalized way. If they are late twice, they will say: You are always late and don’t care about your study at all; Parents like to turn over old scores. What happened a few years ago has long been changed, and it will be brought out to talk about things.
The fourth mirror: the authoritative mirror
Parents are used to nagging, reasoning, and using authoritative methods. They don’t convince their children, or they don’t understand the reasons why their children don’t do or can’t do it. They just ask their children to obey blindly. If they are not convinced, they will want to express their ideas and talk back with emotion.
There are two extremes in blindly forcing children to change. One extreme is that there is a child in your family who is stubborn and doesn’t bow his head easily. A strong approach will arouse his greater emotions to confront you, and will also inspire his fighting spirit to think of more ways to fight with you. In the end, your attention is focused on defeating each other, ignoring the really important learning and growth. At the other extreme, parents have successfully suppressed their children, and your children have gradually become good children who dare not express, dare not say no, and have no ideas of their own, or have formed a mode of suppressing emotions and forbearing to please.
In either case, the problems may be magnified or even erupted when you are in adolescence or when you are faced with the high pressure of the college entrance examination. If you solve them at that time, the price you have to pay will be great, and even some effects will be irreversible.
Therefore, to solve the problem of children talking back and losing their temper from the root, both parents and children need to work together and change at the same time.
So how to change it?
Two magic weapons for you
Magic Weapon 1: Harmonious Trilogy (Parents)
Step 1: When the child talks back and loses his temper, mom and dad should keep calm.
If you can’t, you can meditate in your mind:
When a child loses his temper, he is actually only three years old. I am * * * years old. I am not as knowledgeable as a three-year-old child, and I don’t want to be three years old. I’ll talk to him when he calms down.
Step 2: Look at yourself with four mirrors. What provoked the child just now?
If we find ourselves falling into the situation of the first three mirrors, and our children are wronged, we need to sincerely apologize. If it’s the situation reflected in the fourth mirror [authoritative mirror], it’s obvious that the way of authoritative coercion doesn’t work for your child. We need to change the way and can’t confront the child head-on.
Step 3: Listen carefully to your child’s thoughts, express your expectations, find what you want together, and discuss with your child how to reach an agreement.
When the child is calm after the problem is solved. We need to have an after-the-fact talk with our children and express how you hope that in the future, when children are emotional and dissatisfied with you, they can talk in addition to talking back and losing their temper. If you do something inappropriate, ask your child to look in the mirror and express his thoughts and feelings directly, instead of talking back.
Magic weapon 2: can use four-step expression (children)
1. You just said …;
2. I feel very … (emotional);
3. Because … (Tell the truth reflected by the faithless mirror, the double-standard mirror, the haha mirror and the authoritative mirror);
I want to … (say what I think).
Of course, the next time a child uses the four-step expression, parents should not become angry from embarrassment. They need to take the initiative to enter the Harmony Trilogy, adjust their state, look at themselves in the mirror, and discuss with their children how to solve the current problems. Don’t forget to praise the children in this process! Because of his active expression, you can avoid misunderstanding and quarrel, and help you grow up by reminding you.
Mom and dad,
When children talk back,
Let’s not lose our temper,
Try to look in the four mirrors and find the problem.
Guide children to use four-step expressions.
When you find a problem, you have a chance to solve it.
Change takes time to accumulate,
Let’s take our time together.
He yanhong
Yiwu maisuihua family education guidance center tutor
Jane, quick and happy relationship tutor
National registered second-level psychological counselor
Adolescent mental growth tutor
Source | Yiwu Women
Original title: "Happy E Home Classroom | What should I do if my child talks back and loses his temper? 》
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