Top ten funny jokes about ＂series 3 of chest pain＂

1. A bear and a dog went to buy sesame cakes. The dog said, Boss, I want fried eggs. The bear said: I want it, too; The dog said: I want to fry it hard, and the bear said: Me too; The dog added: Please fry both sides for me. The bear was about to speak when the boss interjected: I know, you want it, too. Look at your bear, you still have to fry it!

2. A veteran retired from the army, drunk with several comrades, and passed out. After being carried home by his comrades-in-arms, his wife tried to sober him up in various ways, to no avail, so she called the veteran’s comrades-in-arms.

The comrade-in-arms said, "Try blowing short whistles continuously."

The wife didn’t understand, but did it. Unexpectedly, before the whistle fell, the veteran jumped out of bed, dressed and put on his hat at lightning speed, and his mouth was not idle, shouting, "Where is my belt?" Who took it away from me? " After that, I flew downstairs.

In the cold weather, the veteran stood straight downstairs, mumbling, "Isn’t it an emergency gathering? Why hasn’t anyone come down yet?"

3. Once I stayed up all night in the Internet cafe with my friends, and I felt so hungry after playing until midnight, so I came out of the Internet cafe and found a midnight snack stall in a deep alley to get something to eat.

There were no people on the roadside in the middle of the night, only an uncle who kept the stall was drumming up to collect the stall.

我俩坐下来，朋友还在埋怨我玩游戏坑他：“你要不死，我也不会死。”我回了句：“死都死了，说那么多咱俩能活过来？”

大叔走过来准备问我们吃啥，听到我俩的对话愣了下，突然大叫一声，转身就跑…

要不是亲眼所见，我真的很难想象一个大胖子能跑这么快！

4. 往公交车站赶，看见要坐的那路车急驰而过，奋力追赶，快要赶到时边拍车边喊等一下，被司机无视车开了，郁闷无比。只好坐下一辆，开到半路，发现前面车抛锚了，顿时开心，喵喵的，谁叫你不等我……

5. 我：“兄弟，9月有个演出，看能不能帮忙搞两张票？价钱不是问题。”

哥们：“行，有哥在，不是吹牛。就这国内演出没有哥搞不定的，再说就咱哥俩这交情，包在哥身上，啥演出？说！”

我：“9月3号天安门阅兵，帮我在城楼上随便弄两张站票就行。”

6. 人身安全第一

我吧，比较懒，舍友呢，也比较懒。但是我们在同一个宿舍也蛮搭配的，我的懒主要体现在晚上下班泡脚后不倒洗脚水，他的懒体现在从我盆里直接倒一部分水然后洗脸。我们相安无事有半年多了，这是我近一周才发现的问题。。。不多说了，我不会告诉你们我在潍坊哪个工地的，人身安全第一！

7. Frustrated in love, I chose to jump off a building to bid farewell to this world. Fortunately, firefighters rushed to avoid the accident in time, and the aunt on the sidelines comforted me and said, "Don’t be too discouraged. How can you succeed in life at once?" If you can’t do it twice at a time, twice and three times, you can always die! "

8. My cousin is still single at the age of 30. Once I asked him, "Cousin, there are so many beautiful women in your unit, why haven’t you found a girlfriend yet?"

My cousin said coldly, "Rabbits don’t eat grass beside their nests!"

I said, "at this age, you still’ rabbits don’t eat grass beside their nests’!"

Cousin said gloomily, "Beauty is the rabbit, and I am the grass!" "

9. Teacher: Your son’s composition is the worst in the class! Grammatical confusion, logical confusion and improper use of words

Parent: Teacher, if you want to criticize me, just say so. There is no need to beat around the bush.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Parents: I wrote this composition for my son! !

10. I just met a wretched man on the subway. He looks like a human being and wears glasses. He is quite gentle.

As soon as I entered the subway, I made a move on a sister paper next to me. The sister paper next to me directly said: "If you make a move again, the labor and capital will call the police directly, even if you engage in foreigners, you will also start work on locals."

I was shocked at once. I can only say that these two people are very awesome.